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This topic is a vast one. I could write a whole book about it. And, I just might do it one day as I have made quite a few notes about this particular energetic clearance/initiation.

What needs to be mentioned here was the trauma healing that I have completed prior to the ancestral healing. It was the perfect preparation for what followed. I will write about it in due course.

But, back to talking about my ancestors. As a result of the healing, I now feel a complete continuation of the energy. The best way that I can describe it is like it is a continuous light thread. I/my existence/my life blends into that lineage like the rain merges with the river. It blends in a seamless way and carries on flowing in the same direction. It becomes one.

Some may wonder why would anyone bother clearing up the past? Well, without the past there is no present. And without the present, there is no future. So, I did it for my ancestors, for myself and for all the future generations in my bloodline. Because energy never dies. It just changes form. This means that I have had to learn all of the lessons that my ancestors didn’t master, all of the lessons that I didn’t master in my previous lives and that the following generations would have carried on learning what I didn’t manage to learn.

So, clearing up ancestral karma means breaking the old cycles and creating space for the new energy to enter. In this instance, this new energy represents reconnecting with my soul group/tribe, breaking an ancient vow of self judgment, as well as a family vow that is now re written into living the life of peace, balance and harmony.

My mum had asked me recently, when will I start living my life in the present. I have no excuses left at this point in time. So, I am currently flowing with life and eagerly watching where is it taking me. This is a new chapter, unchartered territory where none has ever stepped in before in my bloodline. I have to have the complete trust in the higher guidance that it is taking me exactly where I need to be every step of the way.

I am sending all of you a lot of love and light to guide you on your journey of self discovery.

Blessings,

Angela.

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My last year’s December blog was “2019-a year to remember”. I think that we can all safely say that year 2020 beats it by a mile.

So, what has this year taught me?

I can say that it has taught me for sure to live in the moment.

Life used to be very orderly, planned out, sequential and predictable. In all honesty, it has become simply boring. Everything was about other people, from the nearest and dearest to the wider community. My time and energy were completely spent on thinking about the past, present and future, worrying, stressing, running around and trying to make everyone happy, to meet other peoples’ expectations.

Running around came to a sudden halt at the end of March, when the first lockdown began. I was feeling rebellious, as my healing practice just started to take off properly. I was thriving. So, what good was sitting at home going to do for me or my clients? I had plans for every day and was looking forward to get up and make a difference in someone else’s life.

Well, guess what- I forgot that I need just as much care and attention every day. So, I started going in, listening to my feelings, focusing back on myself, my needs (mind, body and soul). I slowed right down and listened to my body. If it needs rest, I rest, if I’m hungry, I make something nutritious to eat, if I want to be by myself, I go for a walk or read in my room, if I feel like listening to loud music, I create a playlist and blast it from my phone,…

I started evaluating my relationships and distancing from people who I felt took too much of my energy. I went on shamanic retreats, tried all sorts of healing techniques to help my body, mind and soul to heal. After all, what good is a healer if they stop working on healing themselves?

As a result, I feel fulfilled, I look good, I feel strong, I choose what I want to spend my time and energy on, I feel connected, happy, inspired. I have been able to look back and take the lessons out of situations, write them down and apply the wisdom in my life and pass it on to others.

Lockdowns have liberated me, by giving me time to look into my deepest self and embrace it. What I have discovered inside of me is love for myself and everyone else, love for nature and gratitude for each and every moment of my life. I don’t think about what’s gone, nor do I worry about what the future might bring. I just live my life every day, moment by moment and feel grateful for it, whatever it brings my way.

Love and light to all of you, my brothers and sisters,

Angela.

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This year has been challenging to say the least. I am not going to list all the things that have happened, that made me think deeper, change my perspective, soul search, etc. Instead, I want to focus on where I am right now and what I would like my future to be.

I am feeling rebellious. I have had enough of the restrictions, caution, of putting my life on hold. Why should I keep doing it? They say it’s for the common good. Well, guess what- I have been doing that for lifetimes, literally tens of thousands of years over and over again (those that don’t believe in re incarnation might have lost me at this point). This lifetime feels like the final test of my patience and strength. Am I willing to carry on with this Martyr lifestyle where everyone and everything comes before me- work, parenthood, relationships, commitments, public service, etc. The answer is-NO.

Admittedly, it is easier said than done to change my life completely. How do I go about doing it?

I have done SO MUCH work on myself, to feel better, to be healthier, to look better, to be a better person, within my current situation. But I have never put myself first. It has always been done it in between doing things for others.

So, the first step towards putting myself first is facing it all. The second step is deciding that enough is enough. The third step is to start acting like I am my number 1: a lay in in bed over the weekend, making myself a cup of tea before rushing to cook breakfast for everyone, going for a walk when I feel like it, taking a break when I’m tired, travelling, trying out new hobbies, refusing to run around for others all the time, listening to my body, expressing how I feel, voicing my opinion, basically doing my own thing whether they like it or not.

I know that some call this middle life crisis, and they are entitled to their own views (I am not saying their own opinion, because it’s not). If that’s what’s going to make me feel like I am actually alive, so be it. Those that really care will accept this change in me with time. Those that don’t (i.e. those that are loosing a servant, and a general run around person) very well shouldn’t be in my life anyway.

So, there it is. Living one’s life does mean paying a price of losing people and putting new rules and boundaries in place. But, what is the alternative? I am done with just plodding along, waiting for the next instruction and trying to make everyone else happy. I am making myself happy and those that want to stick around are welcome. Those that don’t, I wish you love and light and all the best in the future.

Blessings,

Angela.

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This title might deter a few readers. However, after both my mentor and my father dying this year, I have to look death in the eye.

I have decided to accept it as a teacher, rather than a taboo that it has been until recently. There is much to be learnt from the process of dying. Just like the birth does, death comes in it’s own time and takes over a person’s life. As a result, it also makes a lasting change in the lives of everyone that knows and loves the deceased person. But, how do we deal with the fact that someone has gone from this plane of existence for ever? How long does it take to get over someone’s passing? Do we ever get completely over someone’s death or is it just that we have to learn to live with it?

One evening, in an attempt to find any sort of guidance as to how to deal with my grief, a friend recommended a book “Die wise” by Stephen Jenkinson. I looked it up straight away and found a number of interviews done on him, where he goes into the depth and his background knowledge on the subject. He has been working in palliative care for decades and has decided to write the book based on his interactions with the dying and their families, as well as from a perspective of palliative care personnel. He tackles with the fact that we (our modern society) have detached ourselves from the fact that we all have to die one day. We use modern research and medicine to combat the process of ageing and dying. We don’t see it as a natural part of life, but as almost a disease or a condition that we have to fight or at least delay as much as possible.

Both my father and my mentor died in pain. They were fighters and they gave their all to be able to carry on for as long as was possible. Both of them had people around who were trying to help look after them. They took various kinds of medication (both conventional and alternative), changed their diet and deepened their spiritual beliefs. And just when it seemed like they were going to pull out of the dying process, they passed away.

Jenkinson made an interesting observation that in the eyes of a child, death isn’t traumatic. Children can see that a person is changing and that things are different about a dying person, but they don’t think about the death and therefore don’t grieve. They watch everyone and everything involved and learn from it. They are present in each moment and don’t worry about the future.

Unlike children, I worried about the death of my father years in advance. I would wake up and have the thought in my head that he died. I would then call home to make sure that everything is ok. And, ironically, on the day that he died, I had no premonition. The last time I spoke to him he sounded almost like his old self and I was certain that he was winning against the inevitable.

My father was a warmhearted man who always thought about other people first, who loved his family and friends, who always had great advice, who knew how to calm me down and who I felt unconditional love and understanding from. Those are the gifts that will stay with me forever and I can hope and try to make others feel the same way that he made me feel. Because, feelings and memories are the things that we take everywhere with us, even when we pass on. They change us and shape us as deep as becoming a part of our soul. So, I will finish with that thought and a saying from my mentor, which is:

Keep smiling 🙂

Love and light to you all,

Angela.

 

 

 

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11th December 2018

Today I decided to let go and let flow. I literally can’t take in any more information to process.

Too many updates, too much to let go- then take in and over and over again.

So, I am letting go completely. Whatever comes next is meant for me and I will deal with it when it comes. Not before.

Right now, I am hurting. My son has expressed his feelings about our family life and I have realised that I feel the same.

That has been our family life for years. Continue reading Let go and let flow

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