It has been a while since I’ve written a blog. This quarantine has turned my whole world upside down. Perhaps I needed a fresh perspective on life?
Anyhow, I have been doing a lot of internal reflecting during the past 8 weeks, even more than usual. I went deep into my feelings, my relationships, work, past present and future lives. In a word, I overdid it. You can look at it as, I had to do it one last time, before deciding to focus on the here and now.
I’ve always escaped into my own world, whenever things got tough or were challenging my modus operandi. In the past I would physically walk away. So, this is a step forward- I was physically present, but absent in my mind. Because of the lack of interaction with people and not having to rush around all the time, I was daydreaming most of the time. It was a perfect state of being for someone who never had enough uninterrupted time to let their thoughts loose.
However, I noticed that, by doing that, I was being at odds with my current situation. My children noticed my mental distance, I wasn’t doing anything productive in my life and I didn’t want to engage in the new norm. I tried to escape the fact that nothing is certain any more, that I am not comfortable with the unknown, that I have to put my money where my mouth is and prove my trust in the Universe. As a spiritual person, I should be able to surrender to the Higher Guidance and let it guide me. So, why do I feel threatened by the uncertainty on the face of it? Shouldn’t I know better and trust that there is a grand scheme of things and that we are all looked after at every moment of our existence? I was lead astray by fear and the abundance of my own imagination.
I will tell you what brought me back- genuine love and concern from people close to me and my body feeling exhausted. I spent almost a whole day in bed, feeling cold and shivery, exhausted and realising that I can’t carry on like that. I cannot carry on escaping from the facts of what’s waiting for me to be addressed. Being spiritual means being aware of our responsibilities, accepting them and trusting that we will be guided towards a solution. All we need to do is ask and it will be given. And, yes, trust that it will.
In love and light,
Angela.
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