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Denial and projection

Dear people,

I accept that this isn’t a typical festive subject, but it is one that I have been experiencing all my life. As of today, I have had enough of it.

We all know what denial is and we have all been there. Sometimes it’s hard to face reality, as Justin Bieber would say. But, is denying a solution? And even further, is projecting the blame onto someone or something else a solution?

It is about time that all of us take responsibility for what is going on in our life because we actively create our reality by making choices in every moment of every day. It is truly empowering when we accept that it is up to us to make the change and improve our life.

I accept that it can be very scary to face up to what is if we are in difficult circumstances. Sometimes we get lost in a situation, we get swept up by emotions, get stressed, overwhelmed, anxious or depressed. Sometimes we overthink and get ungrounded and confused. But, if we don’t face up what is, we are in denial. If we then blame others or our circumstances, we are projecting. We can all blame governments for starting a war. But, who are the soldiers? Who makes weapons? Who takes sides and hates on the other?

We can blame energy companies for increasing the prices every year. But who keeps using their services?

We can say that we were born in the wrong country, or at the wrong time, or into the wrong family. But who keeps us there? What is stopping us from moving out/away?

I have heard that life is happening for us, not to us enough times to believe it. I can see how situations keep repeating themselves if I keep doing the same things. I can see how my default reaction to situations create the repeat emotions and thoughts and then the same reality gets recreated over and over again.

The only way to get ourselves out of the repeating loops is to stop the denial and projection, to face life and then decide what we want to do about it. And, most importantly, to make the changes.

I now see challenges as opportunities to make a change. Life isn’t supposed to be all easy because we would never progress, or make a different choice, meet new people, change a job, travel, move home, and make other life-changing decisions that push us to adapt, change and grow.

As much as I sometimes resist what is inevitable, I know when the time is coming for a change and I eventually surrender to the flow. Otherwise, what we resits it persists and I certainly had enough of that too.

Accept what life brings your way and accept that you have called it in, one way or another.

I am wishing everyone a festive season and a fabulous and fulfilling new year,

Angela x.

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Dealing with stress

I am prone to over thinking and stress. It has always been my downfall.

Today I had a school run in the morning, as usual (my daily routine since 2007), but what stressed me out was my car engine over heating. I have been driving for 20 years and never had I to face a possibility of being left on the road due to engine blow up. So, I was driving at snail’s pace (credit to my daughter who didn’t complain about my speed for once) in order to avoid the disaster. We were both watching the thermometer on my dashboard like a hawk the whole way (just under an hour’s drive one way). I did the same on my way home.

As soon as I dropped her off at school, I called the car service department. The man was asking me questions to which I had no clear answers. I could sense frustration in his voice, but he booked me in for the next day for service at my insistence. I was left wondering why do I have to convince anyone of what my car is indicating, as a faultless driver of two decades? I have driven various cars of better and less good quality and this is the first instance of such situation.

I admit that some people might think that I am over reacting to my situation. But to someone feeling stress, it is all too real. At one point I was feeling anxiety.

The man on the radio was talking about adults showing the way to children through their behaviour. And there I was taking things badly in front of my daughter. That made me think.

So, how do we let go of those feelings of stress, worry and frustration regardless of the severity of our situation?

I always resort to prayer. It is my daily routine and in stressful situations I pray even more. Also crystals (particularly Black Tourmaline), meditation, a walk in nature, journalling and taking time off (if at all possible).

Learning to deal with stress is a process. It takes patience with oneself, time and discipline. Being patient with ourselves is something that should really be emphasised when we are working on changing anything in our life, but particularly when we are trying to change our thinking habits and patterns. Rome wasn’t built in a day and we shouldn’t put ourselves under even more pressure to change quickly. It backfires with vengeance. Instead, we have to go within and face our true feelings. All feelings are there to be experienced, but the secret to a healthy mind is to learn to let the damaging feelings go. For some reason, our human nature is to cling onto the familiar things and keep repeating them. In this case it is a recipe for self destruction. It is no wonder that the great sages, gurus and other spiritual leaders dedicate their whole life to self mastery. It doesn’t mean that they are the chosen ones. It means that they have chosen to use all of their time to master their thoughts and feelings. Only then can they become spiritual leaders and help guide others to do the same.

What I am trying to say is that anyone can become a master of their feelings and thoughts if they want to. It is the self sabotaging, weak and small part in us that keeps tellings us that something is impossible. The truth is that there always is a choice in any matter on how we respond and how we deal with the situation. But we have to believe that. We have to train our mind to believe that anything is possible and that we will find the way forward.

Trust me, I know that it is easier said than done, but it is possible. Start by taking the small steps, by trying to change just one thing at the time that you know does you no good. Even if it takes years (like in my case still learning to manage stress at 46). Just don’t give up on yourself. Every change that we make inspires someone else to do the same. Trust me. So, even if your motivation is to do it for others, just do it. That’s all that matters. Taking accountability for our shortfalls and making the change. That’s what we’re here for my friends.

 

Love and light,

Angela.

 

 

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Changing my mindset

It is easy to be positive when things are going well. But, when we’re in the third lockdown not knowing when we will be able to carry on with our life, it’s tough.

So, when I woke up this morning, an inspiring video by Diana Cooper on being positive came up on Youtube. I watched it and my whole world has shifted. She explains in simple terms how our thoughts, our inner dialogue, our beliefs and the words that we use influence what happens in our life.

I used to buy into destiny and I, admittedly, was of a victim mentality. But, once I started thinking in terms of energy, frequency and vibration (kudos to Nikola Tesla, who mentioned it first), it became clear to me that we attract what we emit. Basically, it is like tuning into a radio station (a bit old fashioned, but you get what I mean), you receive the exact station that you’ve tuned into.

Now, figuring something out (or getting it mentally) is one thing, but applying it into my life on a daily basis was another. We have so many programmes stored in our subconscious and active in our conscious mind that it takes a while to re-program ourselves. Shadow work, inner reflection, observing my thoughts, reactions and feelings, creating new healthier habits, clearing the old (thoughts, habits, feelings, memories, beliefs) are just some of the things that have to be done, in order to change one’s mindset.

I am not going to preach on anyone, we are all human and every single one of us on the planet has lessons to learn and unlearn. It is as simple as that. The lessons might be different, but the work that’s needed is the same. It all starts with us and ends with us. It all starts with our attitude, with a willingness to change ourselves for the better, so that we can attract better into our lives.

One crucial thing that I have to mention separately in all this is gratitude. I wrote about this recently and my client and a friend, Rosemary, is absolutely right-being grateful undeniably changes one’s life for the better. Being grateful every day basically means noticing, acknowledging the gifts and all of the good that comes into our life every single day. On some days it may be the basics, like the roof over our head and food on our table. It is, nevertheless, more than homeless have on any day. On other days, like it has been today for me, there are countless blessings that made me feel on top of the world.

So, whatever you do, dear people, be grateful and keep working on yourself. Good work is never completely done, for as long as there is war, hunger, and global crisis of any kind. It’s all a reflection of our inner world, our outdated beliefs.

We can make a difference that we want to see in the world (Mahatma Gandhi).

With love and light,

Angela.

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