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Looking for the best in people

This is something that I have been doing all my life. Now I feel that it is time to check in with myself and assess this life long belief.

Believing that all people are good at their very essence has been repeatedly challenged throughout my life. However, being a lover of people and believer that we are all one and essentially the same, I have been sticking to it. I have been projecting my traits onto everyone I ever met, whether I knew them or not. My trust was granted.

There have been endless occasions when people proved me wrong and hurt me out of their selfishness. But I kept on believing and getting hurt.

Well, this time was different. Although I had my doubts, I went along with their story. I wanted to believe them. I wanted their story to be true. Personal boundaries went out of the window, promises were being broken, I was getting more and more hurt. And I still stuck to it, giving more and more chances and being let down every time. Until I hit a brick wall.

It was a scam. It was a betrayal. It was all a lie.

And I allowed it to happen. I let people fool me. I pretend not to see through their games. I let things slide. And it becomes the relationship dynamics.

Just to be clear, there are absolutely NO exceptions in the type of a relationship; be it between parents and children, lovers or friends. The basis is the same- it is in human nature to cross boundaries if it is allowed. Or, at least that is my experience.

Therefore, I really have to look the truth in the eye and admit that I have done it to myself again. And, am I going to finally learn this lesson at my middle age? I feel that all of my guides in spirit are screaming at me to listen to my gut and learn from the self inflicted pain. For the last time, people do what they are allowed to do. They treat us the way that we allow them to treat us. They give as much as we ask from them. People are human and human nature is flawed.

So, here we are staring the truth in the eye and accepting things as they are. It’s a significant part of living a conscious life, of living in the present moment, of accepting things as they are and not as they appear to be.

My advice to myself would be to accept what is and see where that leaves me. How does that make me feel? Do I want to carry on with that situation or is it time to move on?

The choice is always ours to make.

Love and light,

Angela x.

 

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The Trees

Since New Year’s Eve, the trees have become my most profound teachers.

My friend, Monika, has introduced me to the wonder of these extraordinary beings. I have always loved them, planted them, prayed for their protection and wanted to connect to them. But, what I didn’t understand was that trees speak from the heart.

I have been guarding my heart, fearing that there would be people hurting me on purpose. My heart couldn’t take any more pain. So, when my father died last year, I embraced the chance to open up my heart to grief at first. I needed to wash out the pain with my tears and by sharing my feelings openly and honestly.

After a while, peace started replacing the pain and I was ready to speak from my heart. That’s when the trees called me to connect to their world.

It is a world of beauty, intelligence, peace, wisdom, oneness, love and acceptance. It is also so much more than I could ever put into words. Someone once said: ‘Off into the forest I go, to lose myself and find my soul’. That is exactly how I feel. Even when I walk down the same path, I keep noticing “new” trees. Each time more and more of them stop me, connect with me and teach me something unique. It can be anything from a personal message, to a vision about the past or future, a feeling of pure bliss and joy, to a simple introduction of what their role is in the world. Some are record keepers, some are gate keepers, some are young and shy and wouldn’t say much, some are immensely wise, some open up specific chakras, some clear them, some fill them up, some ground you, some give you a feeling of being launched into space at rocket speed. No tree is the same, even within the same species. Just like us.

Science says that we share 50% of our genetic material with the plants. I definitely share more. I have grown up on herbal teas and herbal medicine. That lead to me being a pescatarian and doing plant medicine. I am super sensitive and in tune with nature. I know that we are part of that nature, but most people are out of tune with it. And I feel out of tune with such people.

Plant world completely respects and goes by the natural cycles. There is exact order of when they go to rest, when they start waking up and when they start living their life fully. They live in complete harmony with the rest of nature and they all support each other.

Trees communicate via their roots with all other trees. It literally is like our internet, but without needing devices. You just tune in and exchange information. It’s automatic. Like telepathy. We all have that skill.

I have to single out one of those trees that I will never forget. It is an old Oak (around 600 years old) that took my breath away. Despite it’s size, Monika had to point him out to me as I just didn’t see him. But when I did, I stood there for a while, as it touched me so deep that it made me cry because of it’s majesty, strength and unconditional love that is emanating from it. That moment will stay with me for life.

I could go on about the trees, but I ill end it here for now. Every walk is a new adventure and there will be many more stories to tell.

May you find inspiration wherever you go.

Love and light,

Angela.

 

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Changing my mindset

It is easy to be positive when things are going well. But, when we’re in the third lockdown not knowing when we will be able to carry on with our life, it’s tough.

So, when I woke up this morning, an inspiring video by Diana Cooper on being positive came up on Youtube. I watched it and my whole world has shifted. She explains in simple terms how our thoughts, our inner dialogue, our beliefs and the words that we use influence what happens in our life.

I used to buy into destiny and I, admittedly, was of a victim mentality. But, once I started thinking in terms of energy, frequency and vibration (kudos to Nikola Tesla, who mentioned it first), it became clear to me that we attract what we emit. Basically, it is like tuning into a radio station (a bit old fashioned, but you get what I mean), you receive the exact station that you’ve tuned into.

Now, figuring something out (or getting it mentally) is one thing, but applying it into my life on a daily basis was another. We have so many programmes stored in our subconscious and active in our conscious mind that it takes a while to re-program ourselves. Shadow work, inner reflection, observing my thoughts, reactions and feelings, creating new healthier habits, clearing the old (thoughts, habits, feelings, memories, beliefs) are just some of the things that have to be done, in order to change one’s mindset.

I am not going to preach on anyone, we are all human and every single one of us on the planet has lessons to learn and unlearn. It is as simple as that. The lessons might be different, but the work that’s needed is the same. It all starts with us and ends with us. It all starts with our attitude, with a willingness to change ourselves for the better, so that we can attract better into our lives.

One crucial thing that I have to mention separately in all this is gratitude. I wrote about this recently and my client and a friend, Rosemary, is absolutely right-being grateful undeniably changes one’s life for the better. Being grateful every day basically means noticing, acknowledging the gifts and all of the good that comes into our life every single day. On some days it may be the basics, like the roof over our head and food on our table. It is, nevertheless, more than homeless have on any day. On other days, like it has been today for me, there are countless blessings that made me feel on top of the world.

So, whatever you do, dear people, be grateful and keep working on yourself. Good work is never completely done, for as long as there is war, hunger, and global crisis of any kind. It’s all a reflection of our inner world, our outdated beliefs.

We can make a difference that we want to see in the world (Mahatma Gandhi).

With love and light,

Angela.

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Living in the moment

My last year’s December blog was “2019-a year to remember”. I think that we can all safely say that year 2020 beats it by a mile.

So, what has this year taught me?

I can say that it has taught me for sure to live in the moment.

Life used to be very orderly, planned out, sequential and predictable. In all honesty, it has become simply boring. Everything was about other people, from the nearest and dearest to the wider community. My time and energy were completely spent on thinking about the past, present and future, worrying, stressing, running around and trying to make everyone happy, to meet other peoples’ expectations.

Running around came to a sudden halt at the end of March, when the first lockdown began. I was feeling rebellious, as my healing practice just started to take off properly. I was thriving. So, what good was sitting at home going to do for me or my clients? I had plans for every day and was looking forward to get up and make a difference in someone else’s life.

Well, guess what- I forgot that I need just as much care and attention every day. So, I started going in, listening to my feelings, focusing back on myself, my needs (mind, body and soul). I slowed right down and listened to my body. If it needs rest, I rest, if I’m hungry, I make something nutritious to eat, if I want to be by myself, I go for a walk or read in my room, if I feel like listening to loud music, I create a playlist and blast it from my phone,…

I started evaluating my relationships and distancing from people who I felt took too much of my energy. I went on shamanic retreats, tried all sorts of healing techniques to help my body, mind and soul to heal. After all, what good is a healer if they stop working on healing themselves?

As a result, I feel fulfilled, I look good, I feel strong, I choose what I want to spend my time and energy on, I feel connected, happy, inspired. I have been able to look back and take the lessons out of situations, write them down and apply the wisdom in my life and pass it on to others.

Lockdowns have liberated me, by giving me time to look into my deepest self and embrace it. What I have discovered inside of me is love for myself and everyone else, love for nature and gratitude for each and every moment of my life. I don’t think about what’s gone, nor do I worry about what the future might bring. I just live my life every day, moment by moment and feel grateful for it, whatever it brings my way.

Love and light to all of you, my brothers and sisters,

Angela.

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The secret of being happy

There is no coincidence that I wrote about gratitude and appreciation about the same time last year. That was the beginning of my discovery of how to be happy.

It is no secret that I’ve recently read The Secret (pun intended) and it has both reminded me of and focused me on being grateful.

This year, more than ever, we’ve all had doom and gloom constantly broadcasted on all kinds of media. Even to the most focused and detached people, this has been a challenge. It has been impossible to ignore empty roads and towns, people panic buying, wearing masks even in their vehicles, staying away from hugging even the people they live with. There is less and less people working at the shops and, in some cases, machines taking their place (that is how I call the self check out). Our high streets look like those places built like a prop for the movie set. But which movies are going to be made on those streets depends largely on us.

So, The Secret comes at the right time as a recommendation by one of my clients. She was adamant that this book changes lives of everyone who reads it.

Being a spiritual person and contemplating on all matters philosophical in life, I thought that I got it all covered. Until I got to the chapter that talks about being grateful, feeling grateful and showing it.

What has really surprised me was my reaction to what I was realising- it isn’t enough to know that we should be grateful, or even say it, we have to feel it and emit that energy back to the world.

Before too long, my closest family were all baffled by the change in me. They were all asking what has happened to me and why was I so nice all of a sudden. I was in shock. I honestly believed that I was a nice person always and to everyone and that it was certainly what I was emanating to them. My son basically told me to stop confusing him and to choose which person do I want to be- the loving and caring or the moody one. So, my instant reply was to carry on consciously showing my love that I was feeling all along.

Life really takes on a different meaning when you practice gratefulness every day. I now go into the smallest of details, acknowledging what I am grateful for and I really am feeling it. It all makes a difference to my day, from a beautiful sunrise that I stoped to admire for a moment, to warm water to wash myself with, a car that always takes me where I need to get to, taking my child/children to school because they still can’t drive, noticing all of the autumn colours surrounding us wherever we go, a roof over my head, money in my bank account, food in the fridge. I say a little gratefulness prayer before my every meal and I bless all the people involved in the food chain- from those that have grown it, picked it, transported it, packaged it, brought it to our shops, put it on the shelves, to me who bought it, brought it home, occasionally cooked it and is now gratefully receiving it!

I am not saying that everyone should do the same, but I enjoy this process, it makes me feel aware, present and grateful, which in turn makes me happy.

So, there you have it. This is my secret of how to be happy at any moment.

I hope that you find yours too.

Love and light,

Angela x.

 

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Life is for living

This year has been challenging to say the least. I am not going to list all the things that have happened, that made me think deeper, change my perspective, soul search, etc. Instead, I want to focus on where I am right now and what I would like my future to be.

I am feeling rebellious. I have had enough of the restrictions, caution, of putting my life on hold. Why should I keep doing it? They say it’s for the common good. Well, guess what- I have been doing that for lifetimes, literally tens of thousands of years over and over again (those that don’t believe in re incarnation might have lost me at this point). This lifetime feels like the final test of my patience and strength. Am I willing to carry on with this Martyr lifestyle where everyone and everything comes before me- work, parenthood, relationships, commitments, public service, etc. The answer is-NO.

Admittedly, it is easier said than done to change my life completely. How do I go about doing it?

I have done SO MUCH work on myself, to feel better, to be healthier, to look better, to be a better person, within my current situation. But I have never put myself first. It has always been done it in between doing things for others.

So, the first step towards putting myself first is facing it all. The second step is deciding that enough is enough. The third step is to start acting like I am my number 1: a lay in in bed over the weekend, making myself a cup of tea before rushing to cook breakfast for everyone, going for a walk when I feel like it, taking a break when I’m tired, travelling, trying out new hobbies, refusing to run around for others all the time, listening to my body, expressing how I feel, voicing my opinion, basically doing my own thing whether they like it or not.

I know that some call this middle life crisis, and they are entitled to their own views (I am not saying their own opinion, because it’s not). If that’s what’s going to make me feel like I am actually alive, so be it. Those that really care will accept this change in me with time. Those that don’t (i.e. those that are loosing a servant, and a general run around person) very well shouldn’t be in my life anyway.

So, there it is. Living one’s life does mean paying a price of losing people and putting new rules and boundaries in place. But, what is the alternative? I am done with just plodding along, waiting for the next instruction and trying to make everyone else happy. I am making myself happy and those that want to stick around are welcome. Those that don’t, I wish you love and light and all the best in the future.

Blessings,

Angela.

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Living from the heart

This is my aim. There is no time limit as to when do I want to reach it. I just want to live from my heart.

But, let us talk about our Heart chakra for a moment. It is the 4th bodily chakra. The colours associated with it are pink and green ( it applies when choosing anything that might influence it- from eating a fresh green salad to wearing a Rose Quartz crystal and a green coloured top).

Heart Math institute has established that there are more neural pathways (nerves) coming out of our heart than coming to it from our brain! They call it our “2nd brain”. We feel from our heart, it pumps our life juice around our body. It acts as a magnet.You get the picture. It’s irreplaceable in one’s body.

In spiritual terms, they say that Heart chakra is our energetic centre. Life force energy enters our body through it, comes out through our back and then swirls around our aura. Some say that the whole point of Ascension is to live from the heart.

So, first of all, we have to open our Heart and that is a gradual process. Our Heart is like a 33 petal lotus flower. Every petal opens up after we’ve mastered a lesson (like self love) or let something go for good. We have to be willing and brave to keep our Heart open, which is a challenge in a world that we live in. We have to trust that our love is stronger than any negativity. We feel things stronger than we’ve ever experienced it before and that’s something to get used to. But, at the same time, we learn to discern whether something is worth the bother or not. And some things just can’t get through to us any more. We attract only the people and situations that resonate (which are for our highest good). We feel what’s true and what’s not. We can spread love even when we just think of someone or send them a message. People start feeling our energy, it touches them. Miracles start to happen (or call it serendipity or synchronicity).

The only challenge then becomes, how to keep vibing high and keep our Heart open. That requires being connected to it, listening to what it is saying to you and consciously doing your best to keep the energy flowing.

When I first decided that I will listen to my Heart and follow it (two years ago), it was a scary time. I felt like I was taking a huge risk. But, I wouldn’t have been here sharing my life story with you if I didn’t take that chance. I wouldn’t have gone and done what none of my friends or family ever had even thought of doing, which is to open a healing practice. I followed a call to visit Bosnian pyramids, which was life changing. I started a spiritual gathering circle and met some amazingly talented spiritual people. I did frog medicine (Kambo) and plant medicine (Iboga) which further changed my life beyond recognition. And, last but not least, I wouldn’t have connected with the powerful beings that are the Dragons. They have huge hearts filled with pure love for all.

So, there we are. This is where my living from the heart has taking me so far. Who knows what’s next. All I know is that I’m LOVING IT.

 

Love and light,

 

Angela.

 

 

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A call for authenticity

This is a slight diversion from my initial idea about this month’s blog. It is closely related to it, though.

Recently, going through my own self discovery and through the work with my clients, something struck me as odd. Why is it that we find listening to our body so alien? It should be the most natural thing to everyone. But it isn’t, at least not in case when you’re an adult.

This leads me to the topic of being our true, authentic self. How can you be yourself, if you don’t know who you are?! How can you know what you need if you’re disconnected from yourself?!

Well, there is no time like the present to find that out. Start wherever you are and ask yourself: “What do I feel like doing right now?” , or “How am I feeling at this moment?” They can be the simplest questions that you can think of to yourself about yourself.

Journalling really has been my go to number 1 in self understanding. My healing journey started when I wrote down my life history in terms of what impacted me as a person the most throughout my life. Since, I have been writing down my thoughts, feelings, events that have happened more recently, as well as revelations about myself and relationships in my life.

I have to admit that I wasn’t my real self in the past either. Most of my life I have been desperately trying to fit into the environment that I was in, painting a picture of who I thought people around me wanted me to be. It was stressful, it was painful and it didn’t work. It made me ill and depressed.

Dear fellow human beings, please consider coming out of your shells, your hiding places and start revealing who you truly are. Start by doing it on your own, for yourself. It isn’t about anyone else after all, or for anyone else. Do it for you, discover yourself, get to know your thoughts, feelings, wants, desires, hobbies, food preferences, how you like to use your time and energy. Focus on you for a change. I cannot emphasise this enough. Discover who you are and then be it. Otherwise, you will never be truly happy or free.

We are born free and should die free as well. But, the job of freeing ourselves from all of the conditioning falls down on us. Only we can make that decision and make it happen. And so we should, as a divine reflection in human form, starseed beings, free spirits, indestructible souls.

We are all energy and energy cannot be contained, it cannot be stopped. It’s very nature is to flow at it’s own pace, wherever it is drawn to go. I can feel it, the everlasting flow that is us, that flows through us since the universe was created and forever more. We are IT. We are the life force searching for it’s true self through space and time. And I wish for you all to find that, to find yourselves soon. So, join the flow tribe. I will meet you there.

With love and light,

Angela.

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Shadow work

There is this thing called shadow work. I have been at it for a number of years now. It starts with us acknowledging that we are not perfect and that we have to face our own shadow. Our shadow consists of everything that we don’t like about ourselves and the things that we don’t like about our life. There comes a time when we all need to look ourselves in the mirror (‘Man in the mirror’ by Michael Jackson comes to mind).

So, if it’s something that we don’t want to see, why should we do it anyway? It’s because that is the whole point of our existence- to watch and learn and get better at it, at being human.

The tipping point for me was 6 years ago when my health was in a downward spiral. I had brain fog, chronic pain and was exhausted to the point of blackouts. It was becoming dangerous for me to drive. I had to do something, as I had two children to look after, a house, a garden and I was trying to start a business and have just moved house. So, after going down the conventional route of GP, muscular-skeletal specialists, MRI scan, etc., I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Discus Hernia. Because I didn’t want to take pain killers, I was left with doing hydro therapy. That was really pleasant for the moment when I was in warm water. The moment that I came out, everything would start to get on top of me again.

So, an alternative therapist and a close friend of mine, Kim, recommended this amazing chiropractor and a healer, Rene. I knew about chiropractors, but what was a healer? Before I could see him, I had to write my life story- put every significant event in my life in an email to him. As I sat down and tried to recall everything good and bad, many emotions came up for me to deal with. At one point, I asked myself: ‘Why is it that these people and situations still have an impact on me? They are all just a memory now.’ That helped me create a distance between myself and my emotionally charged memories. That was a turning point in my life and a beginning of self healing.

What followed was a series of healing sessions with crystals, energy healing and chiropractice. A whole new world opened up to me and I have been ever since living on daily reading, watching videos, doing courses, having endless discussions, meditating, meeting more likeminded people, opening up a healing practice and doing the healing for others, as well as for myself.

Now, 6 years later, I am still dealing with my shadow, but it has less power over me, it’s layers are thinning and it’s existence is fading away. I know that shadow work never ends, but it allows us to become free, to become who we really are meant to be in this life (as my dear friend, Dee, says).

So, it is up to each end every one of us to decide whether we want to do the shadow work/self discovery or not. But one thing is for sure- nobody else can do it for us.

Love and light,

Angela.

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Dealing with death

This title might deter a few readers. However, after both my mentor and my father dying this year, I have to look death in the eye.

I have decided to accept it as a teacher, rather than a taboo that it has been until recently. There is much to be learnt from the process of dying. Just like the birth does, death comes in it’s own time and takes over a person’s life. As a result, it also makes a lasting change in the lives of everyone that knows and loves the deceased person. But, how do we deal with the fact that someone has gone from this plane of existence for ever? How long does it take to get over someone’s passing? Do we ever get completely over someone’s death or is it just that we have to learn to live with it?

One evening, in an attempt to find any sort of guidance as to how to deal with my grief, a friend recommended a book “Die wise” by Stephen Jenkinson. I looked it up straight away and found a number of interviews done on him, where he goes into the depth and his background knowledge on the subject. He has been working in palliative care for decades and has decided to write the book based on his interactions with the dying and their families, as well as from a perspective of palliative care personnel. He tackles with the fact that we (our modern society) have detached ourselves from the fact that we all have to die one day. We use modern research and medicine to combat the process of ageing and dying. We don’t see it as a natural part of life, but as almost a disease or a condition that we have to fight or at least delay as much as possible.

Both my father and my mentor died in pain. They were fighters and they gave their all to be able to carry on for as long as was possible. Both of them had people around who were trying to help look after them. They took various kinds of medication (both conventional and alternative), changed their diet and deepened their spiritual beliefs. And just when it seemed like they were going to pull out of the dying process, they passed away.

Jenkinson made an interesting observation that in the eyes of a child, death isn’t traumatic. Children can see that a person is changing and that things are different about a dying person, but they don’t think about the death and therefore don’t grieve. They watch everyone and everything involved and learn from it. They are present in each moment and don’t worry about the future.

Unlike children, I worried about the death of my father years in advance. I would wake up and have the thought in my head that he died. I would then call home to make sure that everything is ok. And, ironically, on the day that he died, I had no premonition. The last time I spoke to him he sounded almost like his old self and I was certain that he was winning against the inevitable.

My father was a warmhearted man who always thought about other people first, who loved his family and friends, who always had great advice, who knew how to calm me down and who I felt unconditional love and understanding from. Those are the gifts that will stay with me forever and I can hope and try to make others feel the same way that he made me feel. Because, feelings and memories are the things that we take everywhere with us, even when we pass on. They change us and shape us as deep as becoming a part of our soul. So, I will finish with that thought and a saying from my mentor, which is:

Keep smiling 🙂

Love and light to you all,

Angela.

 

 

 

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